I love the Bible. It fascinates me and I love how it is full of humor, heroes, action, fire falling on water-soaked wood, dry bones becoming flesh, giant-killing kids, fleece-determined battles, water-spouting rocks, fire dancing on people’s heads, vivid detail of erotic love scenes, and, my personal favorite, water turned into wine.
Wait, what?? Vivid detail of erotic love scenes? Yup, the God-breathed pages of Scripture leaves no ambiguity regarding God’s design for pleasure and passion in the physical relationship between a man and his wife; no blushing, shy, or awkward wording to describe the beauty of the marriage bed.
But given the Puritan age, the sixties, public grade school and college brainwashing, many misinformed or simply embarrassed preachers, teachers, and parents, and lack of biblical marriage preparation, I wonder how many married couples would describe themselves as lovers today. How many would say their marriage is sexy, regardless of exactly how many times a week they make love? Chris Matthews may have felt a thrill go up his leg when he heard President Obama speak, but how many married couples feel tingles when they hear their lover’s voice or feel their touch?
Yet the Creator of the universe, El Elyon, the great I AM, the One Who measured the water in the hollow of His hands and weighed the mountains on the scales, designed the one flesh relationship to be between man and wife for procreation (Gen. 1:22) and resistance to temptation (1 Cor. 7:5), and also for passionate pleasure (Prov. 5:19; Song of Solomon 7:8), tender comfort (Gen. 24:67; 2 Sam. 12:24), playful fun (Gen. 26:8), romantic love (Song of Solomon 6:3), true intimacy (Gen. 2:24; Mark 10:7), and because it is very goood (Gen. 1:31)!
Christian marriages ought to be the leading champions of fantastic sex. It is time to “bring sexy back”. It is time to strip the title “sexy” away from glossy magazine pages, inanimate computers, sex-crazed teens, Hollywood’s big screens, and cohabitating pretend-marrieds that want to play house. It’s time to bring sexy back to where it belongs: in the marriage bed.
The one-flesh creation necessitates that a husband is the only legitimate outlet for his wife’s sexual energy, desire, and need, and vice-versa. Yet many women would rather wash their husbands dirty socks than show them love in the bedroom, and many men are willing to trade in the feel of their wife’s warm flesh for the airbrushed pages of a magazine. Pornography, however, is clearly and unmistakeably prohibited in Scripture as an indefensible act of adultery in marriage. Jesus spoke without equivocation on this subject: “If a man looks at woman with lust, he has committed adultery already with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Exclusivity is the number one secret to a passionate, exciting, and enduring sex life. If you are married, make the covenant with your eyes that Job made to not look lustfully upon another (Job 31:1).
The fun thing is, there IS a secret to supporting and enabling our lovers to resist temptation and remain faithful. This secret is lots of prayer, and – get this – regular, consistent sex! 🙂 There are, of course, obstacles to be overcome in day-in, day-out married life. We can struggle with busyness, children, fatigue, exhaustion, and physical pain. These can cause lovemaking to drift to near the bottom of the to-do list. Lovemaking is, however, an essential element to the vitality and overall health of our marriages. Sex recharges physically, mentally, and emotionally, provides an outlet for dealing with life’s challenges, and has been seen to be an anti-depressant in women, as well as being a great calorie burner!
The sexual relationship of married lovers should offer each mate a place of rest, refreshment, and oasis, as well as a safe place to enjoy being ravished with love (Prov. 5:19)! We are to enjoy, be intoxicated with, captivated, exhilarated, and enraptured by the sexual love of our spouse. Michael Pearl said in his book “Holy Sex”: It is time for Christian couples to take back this sacred ground and enjoy the holy gift of sexual pleasure.” Pastor Mark Gungor echos this, saying, “Christian marriages ought to be known for great sex!” Any sex outside of the one-man, one-woman, married relationship is a forgery of the heaven-on-earth, knock-your-socks-off, angels sang, earth moved, hallelujah good time that married sex was meant to be.
It is time; it is time for married Christians to lead the way to understanding that the only way to great sex is to enjoy it within your own marriage. It is time for married couples to start delighting in what is rightfully theirs to enjoy. It is time to bring sexy back.
This blog is not meant to be a comprehensive study in married sex. Suggested resources: Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus; Intimacy Ignited by Dr. and Mrs. Dillow and Dr. and Mrs. Pintus; Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Pastor Mark Gungor; Red-Hot Monogamy by Bill and Pam Farrel; The Total Woman by Marabelle Morgan.