Since I began writing “Philosophies of Strawberry Short Cake” my appreciation for the blogs of others has vastly increased. Before my husband encouraged me to write a blog, I truly never understood what it was all about! I am realizing that there is an incredible amount of time, passion, and effort put into writing! I love the blogs of Mike (http://www.wildcatcreekreview.blogspot.com/), a respected friend and university professor. They are amusing, eye-opening, and delightful. The blog of his daughter Amber (http://amberevents.blogspot.com/), my dear friend and L.A. wedding consultant, is diverse and informative. She blogs about both personal and business topics, posts others writings, and is witty, classy, and impressively easy to read. I joyfully anticipate when my friend Julie (http://juliediterrell.wordpress.com/) , a missionary in Mexico along with her husband and 3 girls, has finished writing her latest blog. I soak up the knowledge gleaned from Jan (http://janverhoeff.com/blog/); (http://janverhoeff.wordpress.com/2009/11/), a professional writer and friend-by-marriage, as I read her educational and thought-provoking political blogs.
The one that I enjoy the most however is that of my friend Megan (http://pearlmusic.wordpress.com/). She writes with stunning artistry, haunting beauty, striking honesty, gracious humility, and soul-searching depth. I would be remiss if I did not recommend Kleenex when reading Megan’s blogs! I recently read a blog of hers entitled “The One”. Being in the “marriage” category, my interest was piqued. She revealed that she is not given to the idea of finding “The One” when looking for a marriage partner. Considering that she is married, and very happily so, I found this interesting. I read further. Megan reveals that she does, however, see her husband as “The One”. Her beloved became “The One” when she married him, simply because they stood in front of Almighty God, their friends, and family and pledged that they would be “The One” for each other. From that time until death parts them, they are, for each other, the one. I cried. But more importantly, I understood.
There is a God given longing in the human heart for a soul mate – the one that knows us transparently, the one that accepts yet challenges us to grow, the one that deciphers our heart beat apart from anyone else’s, the one that touches the body and at the same time reaches the soul, the one that protects us from others, and will forsake all others for our happiness alone. Let me assure you my friends, you will never find that person! You will not find your soul mate and life’s partner at the end of a bar, nor will you find them at the end of a church pew, in a singles group or at a BBQ. You see, soul mates are not found. They are created. They are brought to life through time and experience, love and acceptance, truth and knowledge, transparency and commitment, respect and growth, prayer and sharpening one another, and a willingness to submit to God and each other.
My husband is indeed “The One” for me. He is my souls mate, my one and only, my hero, crush, lover, confidant, best friend, playmate, partner, buddy, advisor, and my own personal dinglebunny. But he was none of these things when I met him and lacked many of these descriptions long after we began dating, and neither did I fulfill these titles for him. I met my husband, spent time with him, developed a friendship with him, enjoyed him, fell deeply in love with him, and married him. Within the 5 years that we dated, we grew a soul-connection, but made a soul-covenant on our wedding day.
Many non-married individuals are searching for their soul mate rather than realizing the necessity of creating the environment for one to grow. Many married couples separate and divorce simply because, as the initial illusions dissipate, they begin to feel that they married the wrong person and truly didn’t find “The One” they were meant to be with. My heart grieves deeply at each loss. I grieve that God’s beautiful plan and purpose for marriage is not taking place, that these precious people are being robbed of the abundant life, and that there is a Sovereign-ordained solution not realized. God is not indifferent about or unable to identify with the pain and suffering that can occur within marriage, but rather is fully available in the midst of it, and able to bring beauty out of it.
My husband and I have now been married for twelve and a half years. We have come through many difficult, dark, and painful seasons – including some toe-to-toe, knock-down-drag-out conflicts between two iron-willed, passionate, and idealistic personalities! We do not lead boring lives! We have nevertheless, allowed God to work within us to ensure that these times have served not only to strengthen our commitment to covenant, but deepened the bond of our friendship and oneness. I once asked my husband why he has not at any time mentioned divorce even in the midst of severe conflict. “We’re married.” He answered. “And beside, I made a commitment to God before I ever made a commitment to you. I vowed to God that I would never leave you, and then I walked down the aisle and made that vow to you. My original vow isn’t to you, it’s to God.” Again, I cried. Again, more importantly, I understood. My precious husband wisely comprehended that you cannot find your soul mate; they are forged in fire and undying commitment. He stood before our God, his family and friends – more importantly MY family and friends 😉 – and committed to a covenant to become my soul mate.
If you are single today, hold tightly to your Lord. If He desires you to be married, He will bring your paths together. Enjoy your friendships, forge new relationships, and don’t stress about finding “The One”. Ask God to prepare you and guide you. Stay close enough to hear the still small voice and He will direct your paths. For those of us that hold a spouse close at night, remember to hold them close always. This person is your “One”! BE the “One” for your love. For us all, may we love like we won’t get hurt, forgive as Christ forgave us, strengthen and sharpen those we love, accept them and pray for them, always speak the truth in love….and enjoy the soul mate creation process!!